Courage or Stupidity

I'm not sure if I'm full of courage now or stupidity. I've been reading the posts, and I'm rather embarrassed. But I am also inspired, and on my way myself. I got the invitation and wasn't wanting to post, because of my humiliation. Let me fill you all in.
I've been a big girl all my life. I'm 5'4" and I've always weighed around 190 to 200, (god what I wouldn't give to be there again) But when I was first married, I went in to emergency surgery. I had a 30lb, (yup 30pounds) 10inch in diameter tumor in my pelvic cavity and it flipped over and ruptured my left ovary. I bleed internally for 3 days before they figured out I needed emergency surgery. Doing that surgery caused all of my lower abdominal muscles to collapse. I also had to go on some major hormone therapy. Then about 4 years after that I went in for another abdominal surgery (gall bladder) and the idiot doctor sliced my artery open. so I have this gigantic scar where he cut me open in a hurry to save my life. Resulting in more abdominal muscles to collapse. With both of these surgeries, I had major complications during and after, so it took a year each time for proper healing. And with hormone therapy, I just kept gaining.

This past fall it got to a point that I couldn't exercise unless I lost weight, but no matter what I did, I couldn't lose weight unless I exercised. I have tons of health issues. I have foot and leg problems. Planter fasceitis, and lower extremity lymphadema. I also have high blood pressure, and I couldn't breath very easy. I made the decision to come out to Texas at my sisters place for the summer. Cuz 1..she has the money to help me get started. 2..they have a gym in her house. 3...they have intense water aerobics here. So...I came out here for the summer.

In January, things got worse for my health..It was agony to just walk from one end of my house to the other, and I couldn't get out of the couch without help. Ladies, here is the embarrassing part. I got weighed on a massive electronic scale the first of Feb. I weighed 431lbs. (please don't spead this around, I haven't even talked about it on my own blog.) I was devastated when I saw that number. I cut soda out completely, and I started watching the carb and sugar intake on the labels on foods. I started buying more sugar free (peanut butter, jelly, syrup, candies) and fat free (milk, cheese, tortillas, any crackers, etc...) I had a procedure done on my toe in May and took the plunge and weighed in again. 385 OMG just that little change took me down 40 lbs!!!!!!!!! Now I was motivated. I came out to Texas, and the 4th day here, I feel and got hurt. Like ride off in an ambulance kind of hurt. I dislocated my elbow, sprained my wrist, thumb, left ankle, and right knee. I almost spun into depression. But I didn't let it stop me. I decided I was here to get a jump start on my weight loss, and by GOD I was gonna do it. I have been pushing myself so very hard every day. I mean pushing to the point that I've been in tears, and hurting so bad every single day. But ladies, I don't have a scale I can weigh on here, but I'm doing some sort of improvement. My new bathing suit (that fit in June) got so baggy my sister had to sew it up (I even got my fat ass in a walmart 3X bathing suit) and my underwear are really baggy now, my pants also. My family says my face and neck look alot thinner also. I can notice just how you reach certain area's to scratch or when your bathing is easier. I also am able to stand up and walk for a good 5 to 10 minutes now (it was tops 1 minute before) I'm making baby steps, but I'm doing it. I now have the means to go home and continue with the eating change, and keep working, walking, and exercising.

I'm very much hoping a blog like this will help us all, but I'm also very scared. This is the first time I've told anyone other than close family about my weight and struggles. So...there it is, I layed it all out there. Now I will wait in the corner to see if I'm accepted. hehehehe

And Kat, thanks for removing that "foot" out of my ass, you don't know how much that helped.